SO LONG

I wonder if you knew how many times i thought of you , How many nights i have stayed awake thinking about you ,How many times i have sat there and cried about you and lastly i wonder if you knew how much i loved you.

And the moment i said goodbye was only then that you wanted to change your ways, and to was too late for me.. IT WAS TOO LATE TO LOVE ME NOW

You do not know how much i tried to hold on to you, but then now i have to let you go and ease my pain maybe one day i will find new love and maybe one day you will also find  someone that you will love and care for not like the way you treated me.

SMILE.

Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday

..AND YOU WILL BE STRONG INDEED…

 

WHAT IS GONE , IS GONE…

Whatever you do, You do for yourself

Whether it is good or bad, it will always be on your case,Whether you left that wife with three children ,Whether you left your children running away from supporting them..

What i know is that, ../ THAT wife will find love again and those three children will grow up and do good all by the mothers teachings ,What i also know is that those children you ran away from will find a family that will love and support them and at the end of the day they will choose whether they do good or bad..

BUT.. it will always come back to you the “person” that did all these thing to them, because at the end of the day what goes around comes back around, after all the doings you did there is no more going back it becomes your life and it is also up to you on how you deal with everything , are you going to take responsibilities or just feel sorry for yourself?

 

SHINE

REMEMBER , for everything you have lost you have gained something else, without the dark you will never see the stars ..

Hang in there no matter what is happening in your life, before morning it becomes so dark then after the light shows up , things will change in time. All our blessings are coming at the right time there is no time as late for GOD

BELIEVE IN HIM & ALL SHALL BE WELL.

A YOUNG GIRLS LETTER TO DADDY

Its been seven years daddy without you,

i really miss you, mommy says you are safe now in a beautiful place called heaven, We had your favourite dinner tonight and i ate it all up{smiles}

I learnt how to drive this week with mommy’s help ,cant you SEE ME?

I started with my grade twelve this year, i miss all the times i came back at home from school telling you everything i did & you listened to me..never complained about it and now you no longer here i miss all that and the laughter we shared

I miss how you used to tickle me and make me laugh even when i was upset, i try not to cry when i miss you , but mommy says its OKAY to cry, it really hurts that i will never see you again only memories of you.

I STILL LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU everyday even when i hide it to other people only mommy knows me very well in such situations.

I am doing well at school mommy is so proud i only wish you were here too.

You used to pick me up when i fall down , now no one is there to catch me the way you did

I am always smiling but deep down i am hurting, you really went with a piece of me.

…DADDY..

THE BURNING SPEAR

IT all started as a game when i was so excited with the whole game going on, i forgot to protect myself reality came in,  my whole world changed because of that day 

fifteen weeks the baby will start showing preferences of sweet flavours by swallowing more amniotic fluid when it is sweet, and less when it bitter…

twenty eight weeks the baby opens her eyes, there is not much to see in there but it is part of all the process..

thirty weeks a lot of things are happening inside , breathing,smiling, crying, hiccuping and bonding.. but sometimes as women we do not feel all that happening inside us but the fact is that all these things are happening.

I started being sick and i had to go and check it up and guess what i am PREGNANT, this is something i did not expect so soon in my life , i am still young.. HAVING a lot of thoughts in my mind but the best solution was to get reed of it//

Mommy i can now feel your touch, bound and every movement you do i can even hear your voice i can not wait to see you as soon as i grow completely and come into that earth

I went to see the doctor the next day ABOUT  my situation and i wanted it out , and everything was done..

Mommy please stop that doctor he is hurting me this thing feels like a burning spear i can not stand the pain// and she died

Everything went well even when i took a big risk by taking it out after so many MONTHS  , but now i can carry on with my life and act like nothing happened , no one must know about this only my heart and soul.

As “she” got to heaven she asked GOD, what happened why am here? where is my mom? i thought i was going to wake up in her hands.. and GOD said my child i am sorry you never met her but something happened .

What is it she asked? your mom did not want you so she had an ABORTION…that is what happened when you felt the BURNING SPEAR I AM SO SORRY BUT YOU IN REST NOW WITH ME…

FATHERS

This person must be faithful, always there, trustworthy, honoring , ever loving , role model and supportive, But then again this is ‘LIFE’ he chooses his own route without thinking about ‘his own blood’ , his own responsibilities.

MY AFRICAN people the truth must be told we have two types of the male genders . just like the great SHAKA ZULU once said to him ‘Where were you when we almost died of hunger? ‘ it was not that he was disrespecting him but because of the pain and gap he felt in his heart when he saw him after all the struggles he went through while he was breathing the same air as him..

BUT then my AFRICAN people the other type is loving, supportive and caring. The great type  that i would like to talk about today ..who am i talking about you may ask yourself ? GREAT FATHERS OF-COURSE…

FAITH

what is faith? …this is the question we should be asking ourselves everyday

HAVE FAITH?  how can i have faith if i do not know how to BELIEVE?…when someone says have faith they should also define faith , because i think as people it gets hard to put all these things in action now that is when we lose hope and think that GOD does not exist ….now from my point of view i believe that faith is believing in something that has not been seen yet but you believe that it will happen

It all starts with you if you believe and  do not have doubts then whatever you say and wish for will happen because you first had  a vision about that thing, that is how i live life everyday, it is not witchcraft it is believe that can take you far …understand me very well i do not say if you have faith you will not face challenges in your life but yes we all have the problems and challenges at the end of the day but it is how you face them..

I do not believe in good luck but i believe in hard work

GOD is never too late or too early to bless you, wait upon the LORD/

…FAITH is a substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen….

 

 

 

 

Nyaope

The drug that came in our land

The drug that destroyed our land

The drug that is destroying our brothers and sisters slowly each and everyday

My African people because of this drug a lot of things has changed in this world , it breaks my heart to see them killing themselves like this  ..Was it worth it to say can i taste this new drug the day it landed in this place? now no one can answer because most of them are around the streets of Pretoria and all over these other places

I as a writer has observed the way they leave they lives , NOW it is the body that is walking but everything else has shut down ,sleep walking you can call it..  the most important thing to them now is the drug , they can kill for it that is how deep this drug has affected them , the rest of the world does not matter to them as long as they smoke they are good and life goes on just like a normal day,A NORMAL DAY is to them..while the rest of us can see that this thing is killing them, they prefer to be gone from home and sleep by the streets just because of their family problems or whatever that they have been going through , but at the end of the day the drug was not the answer ..LOOK @ THEM NOW dying slowly but surely ..

THEY chose to smoke it and eat by the dirty bins and sleep with dirty blankets that they got around the streets or blankets that they stole when they left home , now you can not even recognize the colour   of the blanket because they use it every where and sleep any where …IS THIS THE FUTURE OF OUR WORLD? i do not think this is the life we all want in our world, it breaks my heart seeing parents cry till there is no more tears but the pain felt inside for their children, these brothers and sisters of ours have turned into monsters no parent wants to stay with such a person because they are destroying whatever is in their way to get the drug…

They pain as soon as they do not get this drug , they become sick you would even think they are dying and feel sorry for them, but as soon as they became high they do not care about anyone else just themselves and the joy they feel inside ..our brothers and sisters are dying while we all carry on with our every day lives, we can try to help them but if they do not want it, it is  just a waste ..that is why others gave up on them because we can all take a donkey to the river but we can not force it to drink the water

If they themselves do not want to change no one can force them.

We all make decisions for ourselves at the end of the day

….but as i said when i started it breaks my heart to see how things are becoming …

THE ACCIDENT ..

I was the most known cheese boy

The most wanted guy in the hood

i could get any girl i want because i had the power of money and every girl wanted that so that was my advantage to them..

I was always about having fun, weekend after weekend my parents could not tell me anything i was so spoiled that made me go out of hand, no one could control me so my parents kicked me out they did not want anything to do with me because i never liked school my focus was girls parties and what was nice about it was that they still paid my flat and my accounts

Months went by enjoying my life till this day i got into an accident i wont forget that night it really changed my whole life because it paralyzed my body from my wrist till my legs, the night i had the accident was the same night both my parents also had an accident and what was sad about it was that they did not make it and i was the lucky one to survive

I was called by the family for their funeral and after everything we had a family meeting were the WILL was read and all my parents benefits were signed for my little sister so i got no share in anything and no one wanted me in the family ..i had to go back to town and hustle with broken legs on a wheelchair, life became so difficult without them i saw the importance of both parents that really cared for me but i took it all for granted ,it was too late to cry now because they are gone . I Am left all alone no one wants me from my family, all my friends are gone they do not want someone with broken legs and broke and talking about the ladies they all did not even look at me anymore ..which girl would want such a cabbage? NO ONE I TELL YOU

The way i was so crazy about girls i felt like i lost all my power because now all i could do is just look at them, imagine them and just droll about it all..powerless was what i felt like everyday.

This situation is killing me inside but in the outside i act so strong because everyone knows me by the streets, but they do not look at me the same way…everyone looks at me and feel sorry for me instead of loving me.

Alcohol is my get away ticket in this situation..when ever i get something i buy one bottle at least to ease the pain and forget all my problems, after the alcohol feds away reality kicks in and back to were i was at the first place ..

BY THE STREETS

ALL BY MYSELF..only my heart knows how much i hurt and miss my parents, IF ONLY I DID LISTEN I WAS NOT GOING TO BE HERE TODAY

{JUST ME & MY THOUGHTS …STORY OF MY LIFE}